A few things tickled my spine in the wrongest of ways this week:
Medium “Rare” Steak
I was at a restaurant where everyone at the table ordered their steak ‘medium rare.’ I’ve come to the conclusion that if you order a piece of meat ‘well-done,’ then you’re an absolute asshole and you should jump off the closest bridge with a ball and chain on your ankles.
Seriously, why are you ordering it well done? Are you scared of the bacteria? Do you really think a fancy restaurant is going to have a piece of meat so poor that it needs to be burnt to rid of the E. Coli? Hey dickhead, you’re not at McDonald’s where the cows being served were raised in shit-houses and fed regurgitated McNuggets. You’re eating a hand-picked, caged calf who was fed healthily in the pasture. Asking for a piece of meat well-done is like using sanitizer in front of a business partner before shaking his hand; it’s germaphobic, pusillanimous and shows bad etiquette. The only food that should be cooked well-done is toast. But that’s besides the point.
If most everyone is ordering their meat medium rare, is it really that “rare”? What’s so rare about it if everyone’s doing it? Shouldn’t we be calling it medium “normal”? What would be rare is if the chef gave you the option of having it as a smoothie.
So the next time you order a steak, just tell the waitress, “Lady, don’t waste my time with questions. You know how I want the steak cooked. Just make sure the chef doesn’t fuck it up.”
The Great Gatsby (2013)
I just rented and watched The Great Gatsby with Leonardo DiCaprio for the first time. Sorry I’m so late on this particular review, but I rarely watch movies in theaters. I think my wife said it best, “The Great Gatsby?… More like ‘The Great Crapspee.'”
I give this movie 7 out of 10 Kevin Costners on BostonJew’s Waterworld Scale. It wasn’t the acting that defecated this movie; DiCaprio and Tobey Maguire were just fine. It was the directing, interpreted script, and the Jay-Z music that turned this perfectly solid, piece-of-shit movie into diarrhea. But you know why I’m happy? Because so many times I’ve read an outstanding book only to become completely underwhelmed by its movie version. The Hunger Games and The DaVinci Code are the first that come to mind.
So now, because I’ve yet to read F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby, I am doing the reverse; I just saw its terrible movie, and next I will be rewarded by reading the amazing book. But first I have to get Jay-Z’s Big Pimpin’ song out of my head…
People whining about the minimum wage at McDonald’s
We have laws in this country. One of those laws is a minimum wage. McDonald’s did not create these laws. So stop yelling at them for playing by the rules. If you want McDonald’s to pay their employees more, you should bark at your state legislation.
Furthermore, I want to know which of you assholes that are hollering at McDonald’s actually eat there on a regular basis. You’re probably the same people who last year screamed on Facebook that McDonald’s is killing cows at an incredible rate and that I should stop eating there because its terrible for my health… Well you know what, smarty pants? If everyone stops eating at McDonald’s, the company will be so broke that they won’t be able to afford to pay its employees ANY wage, let alone the minimum…
Just think before you preach, okay?
The Red Sox Playoff Game on Friday
This past Friday, the Red Sox first playoff game was scheduled on Friday at 3 p.m… That’s right, 3 p.m.
Did the person in charge of scheduling this game say to themselves, “How can we get the least amount of fans to watch this game?… Oh I know, LET’S SCHEDULE IT DURING WORK HOURS!”
I was yelling with my buddy about this travesty of a scheduling decision, and at one point he said, “Even a mentally handicapped person knows that you don’t schedule a playoff game during work hours on a weekday.”
So I’ve boiled it down. The guy who scheduled this game is one of two things:
1) Dumber than a mentally handicapped person, or
2) A Yankees fan.
I would rant on, but both you and I have to get back to work.]
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