Hey Boy Scout, how about instead of a donation from me, I will go outside with you right now and we’ll gather some twigs and small branches together. Then you can run off and build your stupid fire with your other loser friends, you little prick.I blame the parents for encouraging these children to become beggars. If you want my money, work for it; mow my lawn, wash my car, or teach me how to dougie.
Last year, a seemingly nice boy was going from door to door, asking for money to support his school’s baseball team. He was 11-years-old, and I knew this little jerk from before because he walks his dog down the street like an asshole – always tugging at that tiny corgi’s leash WAY harder than necessary. I just want to walk up to the kid and say, “HEY. That dog is ONE-TENTH YOUR SIZE. Take it easy on his neck!” But I don’t give life lessons to strangers who are less than 18-years-old because apparently it’s illegal to intimidate minors.
When this kid asked me for money, I replied, “I don’t have any cash on me, but if you give me your mother’s phone number I can write out a check to her.”
Look, I know how this world works. Assholes like the kid who showed up at my door eventually grow up to be mini-Bernie Madoffs. If you keep spreading your money around thinking it’s all for good, you’ll end up with nothing but a bad headache after realizing you wasted $1,000 this year on someone else’s materialism. Don’t donate to the Democratic or Republican parties – don’t donate to any national religious charity – don’t donate to any major fundraiser, ever.
This year, I donated to a charity that I knew was legitimate because the founder is a good friend of mine and he doesn’t own a luxury car. My advice to you is if you want to play it smart, donate to one local charity per year. That way you know you aren’t funding multiple Lexus funds.
Better yet, go to a hospital and find a department that specializes in treatment of critical and long-term illnesses – such as the radiation oncology department. When you get there, choose any patient in the waiting room and hand that person a check. I can guarantee you that person is more likely to spend your money on their medical bills, rather than a Mercedes.
Just be careful when you donate because, as Damien Marley sang, “Evangelists [are] making a living on the videos of ribs of the little kids.”