10 Dec 2011
Posted by Rel 
There's no easy way to explain Inception to a Jewish mother. I flip to the movie on HBO when DiCaprio and his team of brain-hackers get on the plane with their target, the son of an enterprise owner. Mom: What is dis movie? Me: This is a cool movie. These guys are all about to get into a dream with...
Read more → 07 Dec 2011
Posted by Rel 
God have mercy on the soul who faces his mother's neurotic behavior following the loss of her outdated electronic device. The following is a brief history in my recent time. 8 a.m. My mother apparently heard me waddle my way out of bed and stomp around the room preparing my attire for the day....
Read more → 29 Nov 2011
Posted by Rel 
Cain vs. the bitches...excuse me, I meant snitches I'm tired of these women calling out Herman Cain for alleged extra marital affairs. What's worse, it's almost as if these women want our sympathy. Even worse, Americans offer them sympathy and positive publicity. Still worse, with these politicians'...
Read more → 15 Nov 2011
Posted by Rel 
Remember that childhood song our teachers and camp counselors sang to us every week?... "Head, shoulder, knees and toes, knees and toes." As far as I'm concerned, exposing our kids to those lyrics is bad parenting. What the hell are we singing that horseshit to our children for? What is the meaning?...
Read more → 01 Nov 2011
Posted by Rel 
It's not really far-fetched, but it sounds so stupid: What if Yahoo overtook Google in years past and instead of saying, "Did you Google it?", we'd say, "Did you Yahoo it?"... That would really suck, but not if it altered the outcome of the universe to my liking. What if, as a result, there were...
Read more → 02 Jul 2011
Posted by Rel 
You see that face? That's the face of a guy that just spotted Wee-Man at the club. Wee-Man and his entourage were kind enough to give me a few photo opps and they even let me buy the big guy a drink. I invited him to Shabbat dinner the following evening, but he said already had plans to skateboard...
Read more → 24 Jun 2011
Posted by Rel 
7:20 a.m. What is with Jewish mothers and their obsession with getting to the airport four hours before a flight? I woke up to my mother hollering at me, “ARIEEELLL!!! ARIEEELLLL!!!!!” and even though I asked her to wake me up in the morning, I didn’t expect her to act like a mad rooster. Hearing...
Read more → 12 Apr 2011
Posted by Rel 
Being the sadist that I am, I find it pleasurably detestable that in a city like Boston there's so much love going on in the streets. All I ever see are people laughing, drinking and having a good time. Sure, you'll see a bar fight now and again, but you'll never see a serious clash of cuntacular proportions...
Read more → 07 Mar 2011
Posted by Rel 
On the toilet, all this Charlie Sheen-nonsense going on is annoying me. Who the fuck is Charlie Sheen anymore? He's nothing. He's just a pathetic shell of man pretending to be a bad ass, talking shit about coworkers whom make it possible for him to earn $2,000,000 an episode for a show nobody watches. If...
Read more → 20 Jan 2011
Posted by Rel 
Fuckin' a. Since grade school, I've been a pessimist. Luckily, humor, love, and sports prevent me from throwing myself off a cliff and into an pool of sharp things pointing upward. My aim for this - and upcoming Why I Hate Things blogs - is to discover why it all went pessimistic in my life. Memory...
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