Every Christmas the same agonizing thoughts race through my mind. Why do Christians repeat the same mistakes? Why don’t they learn from the Jews? Why do they limit themselves to two days of vacation for the most important holiday of their year? And, it’s been over 45 minutes, where’s the damn Chinese Food?!
Jews learned a long time ago that the key to a good holiday is extending it. The more business days a holiday wastes, the less we have to work during the year, and the more corporations profit. A simple mathematical equation the goyim have yet to appreciate.
Take a look at two very “important” holidays during the Jewish year: Passover and Hanukkah. Passover is seven days long and Hanukkah is eight. We always start our holidays at sundown the night before, stretching the holiday to be as long as calendarily possible.
Christmas is one of the most precious times of the Christian year. Technically it runs for 12 days. Advertisements of this marketed holiday only care about two of these days: December 24 and December 25. Between December 25 and early January are 10 lost days of Christmas. And 10 lost days of vacation. December 26 is still considered Christmas, but most Christians will be going to work. What does that say about the holiday?… It’s been marginalized.
Imagine if Jews had a 12-day holiday (I’m surprised we haven’t invented one yet). We’d never cease the opportunity to take full financial advantage of so many consistent holiday days in a row. If Jews ran Christmas, we’d find a way to make every single day of the holiday valuable. Each day of Christmas we’d force the communion to gather at Church and we’d beg for donations. But the Christians, who are running the Christmas-show today, are sacrificing 10 days of donations. They don’t care about December 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, or January 2, 3, 4, and 5.
Christian missionaries forced their religion on people in the past – giving ultimatums to indigenous tribes, and threatening lives for failing to submit to Christianity – so why stop now? Just do it more subtlety. There’s too much money to be had to simply overlook 10 days of Christmas.
Once December 24 and 25 come to an end, Christians and Jews begrudgingly go back to work on the 26th wondering, “What’s the big deal? Why did I just put a month straight of energy and three paychecks into these two days?”
We watch advertisements from November through December that tell us to buy hundreds and thousands of dollars in Christmas items so we can be prepared and enjoy the occasion. Then finally Christmas comes, and it’s over in less than 48 hours. What ‘s going on here?
I’ll tell you what’s going on, goyim: You’re not learning from the Jews.
Trust me, we Jews care very much about Christmas. Everyone profits from holidays, especially the Jews. Starbucks, Macy’s, Men’s Warehouse, Calvin Klein, Costco, Sears, Home Depot; all founders and CEOs of these corporations are Jewish and all of them are running ads, reeling in customers for the holidays.
Now that December 25 is gone, no one will think to buy another Christmas gift for their relatives, unless they forgot or they’re cheap and looking for a half-off, post-Christmas sale. If you made every one of the 12 days of Christmas just as relevant as December 24 and 25, you could reap in six-fold the benefits (12 days divided by 2 days equals 6).
If you can’t follow the math, just read these words: more Christmas = more money.