14 Nov 2017
Posted by Rel 
Thanks to advancements in DNA research, it has been concluded that Moses inappropriately fondled the Ten Commandments, perhaps even going as far as dry humping the 7th commandment, “Thou shall not commit adultery.” What led to the investigation of stone-tablet-rapist Moses was the length of his suspicious...
Read more → 16 Oct 2017
Posted by Rel 
Jerusalem, Israel -- In the most historic religious transaction since the Jews sold off Jesus, the religion of Judaism has acquired Mormonism in exchange for 40 tons of Challah bread, Israeli actress Gal Gadot, and a night’s stay at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel in Jerusalem. Rabbi Chutzpah addressed...
Read more → 28 Dec 2016
Posted by Rel 
I'm confessing to Lord Santa here on why I didn’t deserve SHIT for Christmas this year. Just like a good, bad boy should. I Avoided 17 Weekend Walks with The Dog Nearly every weekend, my wife loves taking these long walks with the dog. And when she invites me I try to come up with a legitimate...
Read more → 08 Jun 2016
Posted by Rel 
WickedLocal.com recently posted a picture of a man praying during a service at a Newton, Massachusetts temple. What they didn't realize is that he wasn't praying at all! Wicked Local - "George of Temple Beth Aavodah bows his head in prayer at the 40th Annual Mayor´s Prayer Breakfast at Boston...
Read more → 20 Sep 2015
Posted by Rel 
It is one of the holiest days of the Jewish year, in which all your yearly sins are washed away in one glorious day. Yom Kippur, when every Jew can start anew. Bernie Madoff, legendary ponzi schemer, now turned jail Rabbi, is encouraging his Jewish people to commit as many sins as possible before...
Read more → 30 Sep 2014
Posted by Rel 
In what may be the dumbest penalty in the history of sport, the Kansas City Chiefs Husain Abdullah was penalized for praying after scoring a touchdown. As if the NFL Commissioner needed another reason to embarrass himself in the eyes of the media, Roger Gooddell explained why the league penalized...
Read more → 23 Sep 2014
Posted by Rel 
Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkot–who gives a shit as long as the rabbi hurries up, right? We all need to get home to our DVR and whiskey. Let's be honest, the only High Holiday modern Jews care about involves a blunt, Chinese food and Christmas. A few of the most important Jewish holidays approach...
Read more → 29 Aug 2014
Posted by Rel 
If you say these things to your Jewish daughter, she will be very, VERY upset with you. "You look Jewish." Don't you remember what Jackie Mason said? She wants to hear that she looks exotic or Italian. Looking Jewish doesn't sound sexy. "Cut off your nose to spite your face." A...
Read more → 09 Jul 2014
Posted by Rel 
My Dad Emails me some interesting stuff from time to time... Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peter's Square. The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'." The second Catholic man chirps, "My...
Read more → 01 Jul 2014
Posted by Rel 
Disclosure: I'm a man and my opinion on this matter has about as much worth as Kwacha, the currency in Zambia. For clarification, one Kwacha currently equals 0.00019 US Dollars. The Supreme Court just Dikembe Mutombo'd Obamacare's Contraception Coverage Plan. Certain companies will have the authority...
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Oh, how "blessed" I am to be a father, Part 2
Oh, how “blessed” I am to be a father, Part 1
OF COURSE this item didn’t ring up at the register!
