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Home / Archive by category "Religion"

Browsing the "Religion" Category

Moses Accused of Sexually Assaulting 10 Commandments


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 14 Nov 2017   Posted by Rel

Thanks to advancements in DNA research, it has been concluded that Moses inappropriately fondled the Ten Commandments, perhaps even going as far as dry humping the 7th commandment, “Thou shall not commit adultery.” What led to the investigation of stone-tablet-rapist Moses was the length of his suspicious...

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Judaism acquires Mormonism. Jewish Men Can Now Marry Multiple Wives


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 16 Oct 2017   Posted by Rel

Jerusalem, Israel -- In the most historic religious transaction since the Jews sold off Jesus, the religion of Judaism has acquired Mormonism in exchange for 40 tons of Challah bread, Israeli actress Gal Gadot, and a night’s stay at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel in Jerusalem. Rabbi Chutzpah addressed...

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Why I Didn’t Deserve Christmas Gifts This Year


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 28 Dec 2016   Posted by Rel

I'm confessing to Lord Santa here on why I didn’t deserve SHIT for Christmas this year. Just like a good, bad boy should. I Avoided 17 Weekend Walks with The Dog Nearly every weekend, my wife loves taking these long walks with the dog. And when she invites me I try to come up with a legitimate...

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How The MEDIA Interpreted This Man’s “Prayer”


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 08 Jun 2016   Posted by Rel

WickedLocal.com recently posted a picture of a man praying during a service at a Newton, Massachusetts temple. What they didn't realize is that he wasn't praying at all! Wicked Local - "George of Temple Beth Aavodah bows his head in prayer at the 40th Annual Mayor´s Prayer Breakfast at Boston...

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Rabbi Madoff Urges Jews to Commit Last Minute Sins Before Yom Kippur


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 20 Sep 2015   Posted by Rel

It is one of the holiest days of the Jewish year, in which all your yearly sins are washed away in one glorious day. Yom Kippur, when every Jew can start anew. Bernie Madoff, legendary ponzi schemer, now turned jail Rabbi, is encouraging his Jewish people to commit as many sins as possible before...

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Roger Goodell and NFL Clarifies its Prayer Penalty on Husain Abdullah


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 30 Sep 2014   Posted by Rel

In what may be the dumbest penalty in the history of sport, the Kansas City Chiefs Husain Abdullah was penalized for praying after scoring a touchdown. As if the NFL Commissioner needed another reason to embarrass himself in the eyes of the media, Roger Gooddell explained why the league penalized...

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High Holiday Synagogue Strategy for Jewish Husbands: The Easy Way Out of Services


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 23 Sep 2014   Posted by Rel

Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkot–who gives a shit as long as the rabbi hurries up, right? We all need to get home to our DVR and whiskey. Let's be honest, the only High Holiday modern Jews care about involves a blunt, Chinese food and Christmas. A few of the most important Jewish holidays approach...

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Things you should never say to your Jewish daughter


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 29 Aug 2014   Posted by Rel

If you say these things to your Jewish daughter, she will be very, VERY upset with you.   "You look Jewish." Don't you remember what Jackie Mason said? She wants to hear that she looks exotic or Italian. Looking Jewish doesn't sound sexy.   "Cut off your nose to spite your face." A...

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Dad Emails: Morning Catholic Coffee in Rome


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 09 Jul 2014   Posted by Rel

My Dad Emails me some interesting stuff from time to time... Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peter's Square. The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'." The second Catholic man chirps, "My...

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The Bright Side of The Supreme Court’s Contraception Rejection


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 01 Jul 2014   Posted by Rel

Disclosure: I'm a man and my opinion on this matter has about as much worth as Kwacha, the currency in Zambia. For clarification, one Kwacha currently equals 0.00019 US Dollars. The Supreme Court just Dikembe Mutombo'd Obamacare's Contraception Coverage Plan. Certain companies will have the authority...

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