My buddy, Matt, on the right and his fellow patriot hoist a Gronkowski jersey after an extremely intense battle.
The photo above was taken after an all-night mission. Rounds and rounds were fired, while pounds and pounds of terrorists expired.
I am proud to introduce the most barbaric and reliable American I have known for the last 22 years. On the right is one of the groomsmen representing my party on November 25, 2012. His name is Matt, but to dead terrorists he’s better known as 2nd Lieutenant Ranger for the United States of America.
There are only two people in this world that are allowed to hit on my wife without me getting angry. Matt is one of them. The other is Tom Brady.
In Matt’s life, there is never a dull moment. He doesn’t understand the words “slow down” or “stop.” After his tour in Afghanistan, which he called a “vacation”, he returned to the United States and immediately joined not one, but three ultramarathons. He’s going to RUN 50-miles three times in three weeks!
I’m over here complaining about my three and five-mile runs every week, and this guy just embarrasses me by running ten times as much.
Forget all you’ve heard about “real” men. The ones you see on TV are not real. Not Arnold, not Stallone, not even Barack Obama can compare to men like Matt.
While many soldiers come home to relax and acclimate to society, Matt chooses to charge through life, just as he did during his service. And maybe, instead of sulking and invigorating their post-traumatic stress disorder, every soldier should get physically and mentally active when they return home; spark their endorphins, not an alcoholic binge.
I am grateful for Matt’s service to the United States. I’m honored that he even considers me a friend, let alone the fact that he agreed to be one of my groomsmen. I’ve done nothing for him in the past three years, but he has done everything that me and my country could have asked from him.
It makes me wonder what a day in the life of a panicky-Jew solider would be like. We could never sacrifice that much for our country. We, Jews, aren’t fighters. We’re arguers. I’m not talking about Israeli-Jews; we all know they are tough as nails and Israel has a strong army. I’m talking about cowardly American Jews like myself.
Here are some reasons why an American Jew can’t be a soldier:
This list could go on. But I already told you, a Jew can only give twenty minutes of effort every three hours. And as it happens, I am in the 19th minute of writing this blog and it’s time to stop.
Thank you Matt and the rest of the American soldiers stationed around the world who have Gronked terrorists. Happy Veteran’s Day.