On a Thursday morning before leaving for a Florida trip, my wife left me a long list of chores to finish by the time she got home.
How lucky of her: she gets to enjoy the sun and beach, and I have to waste my weekend doing chores. Now, I’ll admit, I did ask her for a list of a few things to do while she was away. I just didn’t expect her to make that list so long that it would take TWO photos to share it here:
But you know what? I’m one of the greatest husbands in Norfolk County history, so I figured that if I knock out a few of these chores she’ll be satisfied. I just had one, tiny, little request for her that I needed done while she was in Florida.
“Sure, I’ll do anything for you, baby!” she said.
“I want you to start editing one of my manuscripts while you’re on the beach.”
It’s something I asked her to do months ago. And she kept stalling it for whatever reason, but I never really nagged her about it. It’s not like Seth Rogan is knocking on my door, begging to turn my books into movies. There’s no deadline here.
“No problem!” she said.
The next evening, after she flew away, I found the manuscript laying on the kitchen counter. She forgot to take it with her to Florida.
I asked her to do one chore, she asked me to do 557. So you’re DAMN RIGHT I didn’t do SHIT on that chores list. I also ran out of toilet paper while she was away, but purposely didn’t buy new rolls because that’s what being a man is all about. However, that plan turned out a bit messy.
She came from her mini vacation with her mother, gave me a hug and kiss. So happy to see me and all. And when we came around to talking about the chores I did, things got testy.
“You literally did NOTHING while I was away?!” she blurted out.
“Well, I wouldn’t say I did nothing. I just did nothing from that list,” I said. “Need I remind you that you left THIS here?” I pointed to the manuscript on the kitchen counter. This was my A-HA moment. The ‘You Also Suck At Doing Things That Your Soulmate Asks Of You’ moment.
“That’s not the same thing!” she said. And then she explained why it wasn’t the same, but with my listening skills it didn’t register correctly in my mind.
There were a few things I did do that were not on the list, but that I got zero credit for. For instance, I replaced the empty napkin holder with new napkins. I did the dishes. And I fed the dog… These are all things a typical husband would forget to do for a week straight. But those things didn’t matter to my wife.
She remained pissed at me. And it doesn’t seem fair because I wasn’t really upset that she forgot to take the manuscript with her to Florida.
Men don’t care when women don’t listen. But women apparently care when men don’t.
You should probably complete at least 20% of the chores your wife asks of you.