Ed Hochuli is an NFL referee by weekend who is known for his unnecessarily long explanations of penalties during NFL games.
Much less known is Hochuli’s work as an attorney for Jones, Skelton & Hochuli, P.L.C., but he made headlines across Arizona’s Maricopa County during his closing statement at the Phoenix Municipal Court.
Ed Hochuli gave a unbearably long 63-hour closing statement–in which he spoke a total of 453,619 words–causing Stenographer Stacy Taipo to die of exhaustion.
Taipo died during hour 51 of typing the closing statement, breaking her previous record of 39 hours, when Hochuli gave his opening statement for the same case. A backup stenographer was on hand, and took over after court went on recess to wheel out Taipo.
“Taipo died doing what she loved,” said a close family relative. “And that is using her stenograph talents for extremely boring dialogue, hours a day. She loved it so much that some days she would come home and just stenograph TV shows and movies. Her favorite of all was to stenograph Law & Order, season four. She must have rewritten that entire season 50 times.”
Befuddling the judge is that the defendant, Hochuli’s client, pleaded guilty at the start of the trial, rendering Hochuli’s 39-hour opening- and 63-hour closing- statement absolutely useless.
At a post-trial press conference Hochuli stated, “After further review, Stacy Taipo died for nothing.”
It was the shortest sentence since his first words as a toddler.