According to an organization not named NASA, the entire continent of Antarctica, which has been melting away bit by bit, is really pissed off at the complete waste of ice in these ice-bucket challenge videos.
Animal interpreter, Dr. Doesalot, spoke with the Prime Minister of Antarctica, who is a polar bear with a wizard shaft.
Antarctica’s congress, which is compiled of 57 penguins, 11 elephant seals, and 2 albatrosses, are requesting $65 billion in ice funding from the Obama administration.
“That guy throws more money around than a groom on his bachelor party at a strip club,” the Prime Minister said. “Why not make it rain here, too? Just make sure that’s freezing rain, though…”
President Barack Obama refuses to fund to the Antarctic continent due to the blatant racism against Orcas.
“The United States will not support an Antarctic nation that continues to deny the rights of Orcas,” the President said. “They deserve equal rights to that land of ice. But Antarctica forces them to live underwater. Until we see Orcas living peacefully with all the other land animals, we will not send another dime to the continent.”
The Prime Minister vehemently denied these allegations, “Bro, is Obama really that stupid? Orcas can’t live on ice! They can only survive in the water!”
The Prime Minister refused further comment because the ice underneath him was cracking and he had run to the neighboring ice shelf.
President Obama informed the press that he may or may not read up the White House’s Encyclopedia Britannica textbooks to find out if Orcas really can’t live on ice.
“It really just depends if that particular textbook is still on the shelf,” The President said. “When my predecessor was in office, he used those encyclopedias as firewood.”
Rel “BostonJew” Mathiowitz is a neurotic, panicky writer who details his pathetic life stories and frustrated points of view.
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