It is one of the holiest days of the Jewish year, in which all your yearly sins are washed away in one glorious day. Yom Kippur, when every Jew can start anew.
Bernie Madoff, legendary ponzi schemer, now turned jail Rabbi, is encouraging his Jewish people to commit as many sins as possible before that holy day approaches this Tuesday.
“Almost all my ponzi schemes in the past started and finished the week before Yom Kippur,” Rabbi Madoff said to the jail’s Jewish congregation. “The one time I broke that trend is the one time I was caught and put in jail.”
Though in jail, Madoff generates an average of $16.1 billion per year from his continually running schemes. And recently he garnered enough revenue to convert his jail cell into a replica of the Sultan of Brunei’s mansion.
Rabbi Madoff prepared a list of perfectly acceptable sins under the Jewish law that can be executed within 24 hours. Those include:
Rabbi Madoff reminded his congregation that, “As long as the sin is conducted prior to sundown on Tuesday, you will be as good as gelt.”
Rel “BostonJew” Mathiowitz is a neurotic, panicky writer who details his pathetic life stories and frustrated points of view.
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