I got in serious trouble with my wife this week.
I posted what I thought was a funny, less-than-10-second video that was intended to satisfy the minimal attention spans of all you internet creeps. Here it was:
A video posted by RelTheWriter (@relthewriter) on
I got a handful of likes on Instagram and Facebook for it, which was nice to see because I am horrible at getting likes due to my lack of being a female. But it didn’t get the like of one person in particular.
When my wife saw the video she immediately came to our dog’s rescue via text. I won’t show the entire conversation, but here’s a snippet.
On top of that I got a couple comments and messages from others that basically accused me of psychologically abusing my dog.
GIVE ME A BREAK!
The video must have been on my wife’s mind her entire ride home because when she arrived she reiterated her point. “Why did you do that to her? Why did you make her feel guilty? What did she do to deserve that?”
“Baby,” I said. “I need to make people laugh on the internet. That’s what I do! That’s why I’m here! Sure, I might not always be good at it, but–.”
“NO!” my wife interrupted. “Don’t make people laugh at Lady Brady’s expense! She thinks she did something wrong!”
My wife started hugging Lady Brady, asking her to forgive her evil father.
Forgiveness was unnecessary, I explained to my wife, because dogs are like men; they forget what you said ten seconds ago, and are encouraged by two things: food and sex.
I didn’t give my dog the latter because that’s illegal, but I did give her a treat AND a walk just seconds after the video. And you know what? Immediately she was the happiest little runt ever. It was as if NOTHING happened.
If my wife is going to schvitz over a harmless, funny video with our dog, then what happens when we have kids? I can’t have them coddled like a puppy. In the real world, from time to time people will make jokes at their expense. This dog and my future kids have to get used to it. Internet embarrassment is the way of life today. You either embrace it, or stay off the grid altogether.
So was I out of line, or is my wife a softy? Did I psychologically abuse my dog, or was the entire scene irrelevant because a treat made her forget ten seconds later…?
Wait a minute, why did I write this blog? What did I do wrong again? I forget.