24 Nov 2016
Posted by Rel 
Happy Thanksgiving, the holiday when we pretend to be thankful for everything we take for granted... "OH, HOW BLESSED I AM!" Here's what I'm "thankful" for this year. A Wife Also known as the chore demander. The person that turns our day of rests (Saturday and Sunday) into hours-long...
Read more → 11 Nov 2016
Posted by Rel 
I love complaining, but unlike hater nation I don't get any pleasure from a boring NFL season. Some people use the NFL's depleted TV ratings as redemption against Roger Goodell. And as a Patriots fan, I have every right to join that cause, but here I'm just laying out some facts as to why the NFL is going...
Read more → 09 Nov 2016
Posted by Rel 
It was close to midnight of Election Day when she looked at me fearfully and said, “He can’t win… Is he going to win?” Even though Trump's win was not quite confirmed, my wife cried before bed. And then she woke up at 3 a.m., hoping the past half night was a nightmare, looking at her phone...
Read more → 27 Oct 2016
Posted by Rel 
I got in serious trouble with my wife this week. I posted what I thought was a funny, less-than-10-second video that was intended to satisfy the minimal attention spans of all you internet creeps. Here it was: 15-biscuit penalty. #NFL A video posted by RelTheWriter (@relthewriter) on Oct 26, 2016...
Read more → 26 Oct 2016
Posted by Rel 
UPDATE (November 12, 2016): Although Hillary technically should be President, I was way off on this blog, as Donald Trump won the 2016 Presidential Election. Enjoy this blog anyway... P.S. FAAAACK the electoral college. The ‘J’ in Donald J. Trump stands for two things: ‘Jerk’ and ‘Jenius.’ I...
Read more → 25 Oct 2016
Posted by Rel 
This experiment works more than 99% of the time. Step 1 Look for a mirror. Step 2 Look at the mirror. Do you see you...? If yes, then you’re an asshole. Have a nice week.
Read more → 05 Oct 2016
Posted by Rel 
I’m going to tone down the verbiage that Roger Goodell is Hitler because that’s a stretch… even though when you think about it, how many Jewish players are there? If you’re like me and believe that the NFL’s increase in popularity has nothing to do with Roger Goodell—he just happens to be sitting...
Read more → 27 Sep 2016
Posted by Rel 
The iPhone 77 is set release between the year 2156 and 2170. Great news, it will be free. Horrible news, there's a catch. Just like the peasants during Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993), we may have to take Apple seriously when they say, "Lend me your ears." According to sources* close to the Apple...
Read more → 27 Sep 2016
Posted by Rel 
You’d be hard pressed to find me in an Uber or Lyft cab because I avoid the city. There’s just too many people. And people, other than my closest family and friends, absolutely suck. I stick to the suburbs because there are fewer diseases and fewer ugly people. But in the past two months I was forced...
Read more → 20 Sep 2016
Posted by Rel 
On a walk through the woods with my wife and dog, we came to a lake and saw a family cooling their feet on the shore. We exchanged greetings with the family, and they asked about my bitch’s breed. I told them my wife’s grandparents are Ukrainian Jews. Then, out of nowhere, our conversation surfaced...
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