Now, let’s get it started…..
Who uses their stick better, Alex Rodriguez or Moses?
(Yea, obviously Moses, it was a rhetorical question)
By the time you read this blog, Alex Rodriguez will have already hit the 600th home run of his career. Even with the performance-enhancing drug-cloud engulfing sports, people still look up to these insignificant feats in awe, as if they are heroic.
Whether you believe in it or not, the Bible is the birth of storytelling and heroism in Western society. Here are a few examples of actual heroism:
Moses led the Hebrews to salvation, thereafter being told by God that he was not to take one step into the Holy Land. THAT was heroic.
This was….. hmmmm… I was gonna say heroic, but that isn’t the right term….. let’s just say Abraham was FUCKING LUDICROUS!!!! Abraham, you moron! How dare you even think of sacrificing your son? Next time tell God, “Leave my son alone! TAKE ME GOD! TAKE ME!” And if God doesn’t take you, then either kill yourself or tell your son in advance that God sent you to kill him, play a little game of hide and seek and give that little Jew-peck a fighting chance. Abraham, you sick fuck. You were selfish. (Bad example)
Heroes. No arguments here. No explanation needed
But when Kobe Bryant scores 50 points, or Roy Halladay throws a complete game, or Curt Schilling pitches with a bloody ankle, these “legendary” efforts by individuals are no more impressive to me than a cashier using the bar-code scanner flawlessly for 2-hours straight. Mental and physical control are basic mitzvahs a human must fulfill. How many are impressed by my Guinness Book of Jewish Records-record of 58-years straight of never breaking the Shabbos? No one. But in fact, keeping a clean Shabbos for 58-years straight took more concentration, will, and focus than any hitting of a ball with a stick.
Someday, when my Jewish daughter gives birth to a Black child (you know how Jew-girls have a Black-fetish), what am I to tell my Black-grandson when he asks me to recall a moment of true heroism? With what bedtime story can I put him to sleep?…..
“Okay son. Tonight I will tell you about the Legend Of Alexius Rodriguez.”
“Really?! Who’s that?!”
“Alexius was the King David of baseball! He hit a ball with a wooden stick over the fence 600 times within a 16-year span. And he’s still hitting those balls over the fence to this day. One day he may hit over 800 balls over the fence!!!! All with a stick! A stick, son! Just like Moses!”
“Wow Grandpa, that story sucked!”
“I know, but I’m only trying to prove a point to this blog, son.”
Get my drift? We are sucking the proverbial cocks of futile men that excel at children’s games. And soon, even children will think it’s laughable.
A man breaks his hip, ankle, and shatters his ribcage while snow-climbing alone in Canada. For hours he didn’t move, screaming for help, hoping someone would save him in the deserted mountain forest. After 24 hours, no one came, so he had to make a move. Due to his injuries he couldn’t walk, so he was forced to crawl. And it wasn’t exactly the most comfortable crawl either. Every movement he made caused excruciating pain in his hip and ribs. If you’ve ever broken a bone before, you know it’s painful enough to sit down in a wheelchair, let alone grind up against that broken bone for 7-days straight. And that’s exactly how long he was out there. 7 days. Crawling his way aimlessly. The only thing he could eat was small amounts of snow. And he had to be careful, because eating too much snow in sub-zero temperatures causes your body to shut down. Eventually, he found a cottage with people inside and they brought him to a hospital.
7 days in sub-zero weather. No food, no Entourage on HBO, no sex. He survived hell.
Now that is what I call a modern-day hero. Too bad he has amounted to nothing since then.
Rel “BostonJew” Mathiowitz is a neurotic, panicky writer who details his pathetic life stories and frustrated points of view.
Rel is 6 foot 5; however, he makes himself appear to be 5 foot 5 because he wants women to lust for him for his personality, and not his grand stature.