I got this deal from LivingSocial to “Michael Jackson Immortal” by Cirque Du Soleil.
I’m not mad about the $200 part of the deal–Cirque Du Soleil is notorious for overcharging customers to watch their quasi-acrobatic, pathetically unimpressive cartwheels. But it’s the fact that the show is being held in Worcester, Massachusetts that really pisses me off.
The last time I went to Worcester I almost got beat up because I was rooting for my high school basketball team in a state championship. There is absolutely no way I’m going back there.
Worcester is crime-ridden and safer than only 11% of all cities in the United States, so there’s an 89% chance I will never go there again. The only way I’m even taking a sniff of that city is if I’m passing through on the way to the Berkshires. And I don’t have a strong enough GPS in my brain to know if Worcester is on the way to the Berkshires.
I sincerely apologize, Mr. Cirque, I’m not paying you to go to Worcester and watch gymnasts who weren’t good enough to make the Olympics. If you want me to watch this show, Mr. Cirque, then YOU will have to pay ME, to the tune of $5,000.
That’s my final offer.
Rel “BostonJew” Mathiowitz is a neurotic, panicky writer who details his pathetic life stories and frustrated points of view.
Rel is 6 foot 5; however, he makes himself appear to be 5 foot 5 because he wants women to lust for him for his personality, and not his grand stature.