SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Willie Steamerson, a San Francisco native, reached out to Apple and a nut bag surgeon to cure one of the most annoying scenarios ever: When you have to poop right after a shower.

“I can’t tell you the number of times this has happened to me,” Steamerson told his local nut bag surgeon at the medical clinic. “I look at my stomach and say, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? COULDN’T YOU DO THIS BEFORE THE SHOWER? WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THE SHOWER? NOW I HAVE TO SHOWER AGAIN?!”

Steamerson started to go on a violent tirade in the clinic, pooped his pants, smashed beakers, and punched the dorky looking glasses on the surgeon’s face.  Security guards restrained him, and when he calmed down he was put under anesthesia to begin his surgery.

“I don’t blame him for his tirade,” the nut bag surgeon said, with his now-cracked dorky glasses. “Nine out of 10 people suffer from Post Traumatic Defecation Syndrome (PTDS). The tenth person is probably lying to his doctor.”

As for the surgery, using iPhone X’s latest technology the nut bag surgeon installed a sensor in Steamerson’s digestive system that delays its metabolism for five hours when his body is soaked in water. While he no longer has to worry about pooping right after a shower, unfortunately for Steamerson he can never again partake in one of his favorite beach-time hobbies: taking a dump in the ocean.