For men out there unsure about having a baby, I feel that after reading this blog you will most certainly at least make your wife pregnant; if nothing else, simply for the benefits of pregnancy. Once the baby is born, it’s totally up to you if you want to continue being the father.
As the man of the house, some of the well-known cons of having a baby are:
But what’s lesser known are the benefits of having a pregnant wife. You only get nine months of this glorious time in which your wife is in pain, tired, and ever-so-needy. And while this may seem like a difficult time (perhaps more so for the wife), it is an absolutely golden time for the husband. Here’s why:
You rarely need to watch that chick flick with her.
You rarely have to sacrifice watching the game for watching some stupid TV show or ANOTHER Netflix comedy special from some comedian nobody’s heard of.
You don’t have to watch any of that shit because she’s way too tired. And even if you do have to start watching some crappy show, it won’t be for long. Your wife is in bed, at the latest, around 9:30 p.m. And this is especially true in months 7, 8, and 9 of the pregnancy.
The living room is yours!
Due to increasing hip and back pain, the wife may choose to sleep on another bed because the master bed, in many cases, may not be comfortable, whether it’s too soft or too firm. In my case, our master bed sinks like quick sand because it’s so old.
What this does is allows you to stay up much longer through the night because you won’t wake her up as you get into bed, as she’ll be in another bed. I don’t know about you, but when I wake my wife up getting into bed I’m forced to make it up to her the next day by completing things like chores, walks in the park, and other ungodly things that keep me away from video games.
When once you actually had to try to please her, now she doesn’t even have the energy to watch you pathetically fail, let alone have the energy to fake it for you. So when she says she’s in the mood, all you have to do to avoid performing is stall her about 15 to 20 minutes. She will inevitably either feel nauseous or become too tired.
She has a hard time picking up things from the ground with that bowling ball brewing in her stomach, so she will constantly ask you to pick things up for her. These constant squats to the ground will make your lower body stronger, which is ideal if you end up having a girl and need to kick any unwanted suitors when she becomes of age.
You used to be king farter, laying your plume of stench around the house, but now a fellow trumpeter has been added to your band. And now you finally have some competition in the house. To some it may seem like a con for the wife to fart like a man, but in fact it’s a benefit because it prepares you for the shit-storm that will be your child when it’s born.
Enjoy these 9 months. You won’t have many more opportunities like this.