I’ve been trying to convince my wife that we “need,” “should get,” and “would benefit from” buying a 65-inch 4K TV. Of course it hasn’t worked, otherwise why would I write about this?
I’ll admit, we “need” it because I want it. And we “should get” it because I want to. And we “would benefit from” it because it would make video games and movies all the more fun. And none of those reasons justify spending $2,000 to upgrade our current 47-inch HD TV.
When I walk into Best Buy or see an online video about these new electronics and gadgets I’m like a giddy, impatient child.
“I want it, mommy! I want it!”
I’m 32 years old.
However, I did the math recently, and my wife has spent just as much money, if not more than me, on things we don’t technically “need.”
So let’s quickly do the math here: My wife and I spent $2,160 on things that lasted less than five days, mainly because she wanted to and I agreed.
Then consider my suggestion: To buy a 4K TV, something that “benefits” both of us, and that will last for more than SEVEN YEARS. Much more cost-effective than her recent purchases, wouldn’t you say?
I’m not trying to be sexist, but why can’t my wife do that math?
And I’m not an asshole, but I did ask her exactly that.
“We don’t NEED a new TV,” she said. “Vacation and food is different than a TV.”
Different? I thought. Different, as in a bigger waste?
She said, “We wanted to order out those nights, and we needed a vacation.”
Sigh… Our definitions of “need” are equally false. We didn’t need any of the aforementioned items, not even the TV. Still, this is another case of a husband winning a battle of skewed logic versus his wife, but ultimately losing the argument. It doesn’t matter if I’m right. Only that she agrees.
Nothing has changed since my childhood.
My mother used to say, “Because I said so.” And now my wife is basically using the same line against me. But because I learned from the best–a Bulgarian grandfather–I lowered my shield and told my wife, “Yes dear.”
My grandfather also told me to take calculated risks in life. So I did some even better math.
My wife can’t live without Netflix or HBO. If I “accidentally” tip over and break our current TV, then she will likely give in and let me buy that new 4K TV. But perhaps that’s going too far. Instead of breaking the TV, I could probably get away with simply unplugging one of the cables and claiming it doesn’t work. You know what they say about women and electronics… well, I’m not sexist so I won’t say it. But that should probably do the trick.
Rel “BostonJew” Mathiowitz is a neurotic, panicky writer who details his pathetic life stories and frustrated points of view.
Rel is 6 foot 5; however, he makes himself appear to be 5 foot 5 because he wants women to lust for him for his personality, and not his grand stature.