I recently conducted an experiment with hopes of getting rid of the most annoying kitchen responsibility of all time: Doing the dishes. I was successful, and I pass this experiment on to you, my fellow annoyed husband who is married to a domineering wife.
Let me be the first to tell you that you should DEFINITELY try this at home. But because this experiment only worked for me, I can’t assume it will for you. You may need to conduct it a few times before your wife agrees to do the dishes forever.
Step 1: While washing the dishes or putting them in the dishwasher, drop one on the floor. Make sure you’re dropping it from a height that will guarantee a break. If your wife isn’t at home at the time, then you can just hammer away at the dish in the sink.
Step 2: Show your wife what happened and tell her, “Oh my god. I’m clumsy! I’m so sorry!” If she’s not at home, then text her a picture with the same message.
Step 3: Wait two days, and then repeat steps 1 and 2 until your wife agrees to take over the dishwashing responsibilities forever.
It’s been an incredible two months since my wife asked me to do the dishes, and it only took three wine glasses and a plate to convince her. The main key is to choose dishes that she likes but doesn’t love. And don’t even waste your time purposely breaking things like beer and whiskey glasses. She doesn’t care about those.
Being a successful, responsibility free husband is all about slow and steady, purposeful clumsiness. Short of cheating on her, you should make mistakes in every facet of your daily marriage life. This will guarantee that you will be the last person your wife asks when she needs a non-sexual favor.
Rel “BostonJew” Mathiowitz is a neurotic, panicky writer who details his pathetic life stories and frustrated points of view.
Rel is 6 foot 5; however, he makes himself appear to be 5 foot 5 because he wants women to lust for him for his personality, and not his grand stature.