BREWSTER, MA — A burrowing debate has sent shock waves through the animal kingdom of Massachusetts, leading to an underground protest.
Soon after the Taylor family moved from Westford to Brewster, Massachusetts they started hearing screeching noises at night. They thought nothing of it until it happened for the fourth consecutive night.
Stanrod Taylor, 49 years old, came outside to see what the commotion was all about, and was taken aback when two gophers were throwing haymakers at each other.
“The Taylors don’t realize this, but I feel like I’m part of their family,” a veterinarian interpreted for the gopher. “So when they moved to Brewster, of course I was going to come with them.”
However, at the new Brewster home there was a gopher already living there, which led to the fight.
“I’m with the Taylors, so this is my land now. That little runt needs to find a new home,” the gopher went on to say.
The two gophers have since been in a dispute over the right of ownership of the property. The case is being heard by local authorities, and we will update you as soon as there’s a resolution.
LATEST UPDATE: A hawk and her promiscuous daughter have swooped in to eat both gophers for breakfast. This case has been officially closed.
Interested in a new home? This hole in the ground is being listed on the market for 538 acorns. Please contact the squirrel at tree ‘27b’ behind the Taylors’ residence for more information.