LivingSocial sent me a coupon for a Brazilian wax. I’m 100% man. Did they miss something here?
Perhaps LivingSocial gets confused like so many other marketers when they see my first name, “Ariel.” They think, oh that’s The Little Mermaid’s name, this person MUST be female.
Although I was born on the Mediterranean coast and am very hairy, I have no use for a Brazilian wax because I am not metrosexual enough and not a female. I am a man who has more leg hair than most women have on their heads.
The only person that’s allowed to suggest that I get a waxing is my wife. If she wants me to get rid of this manly hair on my body, then I will do it. Otherwise, no way, no how. I don’t do waxes.
For those of you who think, “Dude, just send that coupon to your wife!..” Are you nuts? Do you realize how offended she’ll be if I even make a HINT that she should get a Brazilian wax…?
She’ll say to me, “WHY? Is my body not perfect enough for you? AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE CAMERON DIAZ FROM THE MASK, ALL BLONDE AND SPOTLESS…? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT…? WELL, I’M SORRY YOU’RE SO UNHAPPY WITH WHO I AM!”
Then the divorce papers show up in two weeks, and I’m back to square zero.
No, I’m not taking that risk.
But until the end of my days, I want Living Social to STOP SENDING ME BRAZILIAN WAX COUPONS!
HOW THE HELL DID THEY KNOW I WAS THIS HAIRY IN THE FIRST PLACE?!!!
Do they cameras set up in my bathroom…?
Rel “BostonJew” Mathiowitz is a neurotic, panicky writer who details his pathetic life stories and frustrated points of view.
Rel is 6 foot 5; however, he makes himself appear to be 5 foot 5 because he wants women to lust for him for his personality, and not his grand stature.