26 Feb 2018
Posted by Rel 
SPEARFISH, SOUTH DAKOTA – Known as the 'tweet heard round Lawrence County,' a part-time cat blogger has been suspended from posting articles for two hours without pay, following his offensive comments against cats. The blogger, who posts daily cat videos and articles, was caught on camera belligerently...
Read more → 23 Feb 2018
Posted by Rel 
Florida, Earth – In a shocking announcement, the Florida House of Representatives pushed aside any discussion of gun rights, and instead focused on another type of gun. “Pornography kills more lives than guns,” an Everglades marine biologist said while high on PCP. “With one porn session,...
Read more → 27 Nov 2017
Posted by Rel 
Money can’t buy happiness… at least that’s what an underpaid asshole once said, but according to a recent study of a rich person it may actually be true. After a night of gambling, going to strip clubs, and accidentally marrying a bearded lady, the CEO of a company in Lakewood, Colorado...
Read more → 20 Nov 2017
Posted by Rel 
Following years of frustration in trying to sell one of his most important works of art, Larry Delworth of Manhattan, New York, finally convinced a blind elderly woman to buy it. Larry, a 39-year-old self-proclaimed artist, took four-and-a-half years to finish the drawing pictured below, which he calls...
Read more → 14 Nov 2017
Posted by Rel 
Thanks to advancements in DNA research, it has been concluded that Moses inappropriately fondled the Ten Commandments, perhaps even going as far as dry humping the 7th commandment, “Thou shall not commit adultery.” What led to the investigation of stone-tablet-rapist Moses was the length of his suspicious...
Read more → 07 Nov 2017
Posted by Rel 
With the signing of the ‘Calendar from Hell Act,’ Donald Trump is forcing Americans to endure seven straight Mondays per week for the remainder of his Presidency. The calendar is set to take effect on January 1, 2018. “It’s time to MAKE AMERICA WORK AGAIN; all day, every day,” President...
Read more → 07 Nov 2017
Posted by Rel 
George H. W. Bush, Former President and Current Groper, was recently called out by multiple women for inappropriately touching them. Yet if he had his groping wits about him, he would have blamed it on senility. According to a study conducted by a 91-year-old minor league ballpark usher, 97% of elderly...
Read more → 06 Nov 2017
Posted by Rel 
BREWSTER, MA -- A burrowing debate has sent shock waves through the animal kingdom of Massachusetts, leading to an underground protest. Soon after the Taylor family moved from Westford to Brewster, Massachusetts they started hearing screeching noises at night. They thought nothing of it until it happened...
Read more → 31 Oct 2017
Posted by Rel 
The latest iOS 11 update from Apple makes your iPhone slower and stupider, but according to Apple this was by design. This comes as a relief to Apple consumers, as originally they thought it was an accident that their phones started to suck. But why did Apple do this? Lead Architect for the iOS 11 team...
Read more → 25 Oct 2017
Posted by Rel 
Over the past two years a trend has infected the minds of Americans: Working out and eating healthy. Contrary to popular belief, this is making Americans healthier. Since the first McDonald’s commercial aired on TV in the year 1724, people have been under the assumption that not working out and eating...
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