When Tom Brady and Gisele found the latest addition to their family–Fluffy, a rescue dog from Los Angeles–they were told the little furry thing was impartial to sports. What they saw when Fluffy came to Brady’s mansion was a treacherous Patriots hater.
“Fluffy was a great dog for the first two hours,” said Brady at a press conference. “Then he failed to execute that behavior once he saw my Patriots paraphernalia.”
It was tragic. Fluffy began chewing and humping Patriots’ hats, jerseys, and worst of all, Brady’s athletic cup, which protects his invaluable baby makers.
The animal shelter reportedly knew Fluffy hated the Patriots, but withheld that information from the Brady family. Unfortunately for Brady, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell refuses to investigate the shelter’s violation because he enjoys watching Brady suffer.
Brady did not comment on whether he plans to sell his dog to a North Korean restaurant.
Rel “BostonJew” Mathiowitz is a neurotic, panicky writer who details his pathetic life stories and frustrated points of view.
Rel is 6 foot 5; however, he makes himself appear to be 5 foot 5 because he wants women to lust for him for his personality, and not his grand stature.