SPEARFISH, SOUTH DAKOTA – Known as the ‘tweet heard round Lawrence County,’ a part-time cat blogger has been suspended from posting articles for two hours without pay, following his offensive comments against cats.
The blogger, who posts daily cat videos and articles, was caught on camera belligerently ranting at a local dive bar, “F*ck cats! They are the bitchy, entitled whore of the animal kingdom!”
The blogger then hacked into an innocent gentleman’s twitter account and posted this:
In today’s ‘one strike and you’re out’ society, such offensive behavior rarely goes overlooked. A spokesperson for Equal Rights for Equal Animals (EREA) had this to say in a statement: “That blogger is a douche bag. Unless the website owner does something fast, we are going to mail them used cat litter.”
The EREA is an organization dedicated to giving animals the same access that humans have to healthcare, home-ownership, and voting rights. They are known for getting what they want by threatening to mail animal feces to your doorstep.
In light of the cat-litter threat, the owner of the cat website acted swiftly. “We’ve stripped the publishing rights of this blogger for two hours,” the site owner told the press. “On behalf of our website, we apologize to our community of 84 fans.”
According to science, cats are the least likable house pet, other than wives. “It’s ungentlemanly to make public statements against women and cats,” a scientist said. “That’s what guys’ nights out are for.”