Cheating: Brilliant for film and TV. Horrible in reality.
For those of you removing your profile from AshleyMadison.com and deleting your internet history in a desperate hope that the hackers and your spouse won’t expose you: it’s too late. And I find it hilarious that you’re dumb enough to think that will work.
The hackers saved your information. And your spouse can read your mind 11 times out of 10. I know this because I wake up every morning to my wife who’s pissed off at me for dreaming about Aphrodite.
I had no idea this Ashley Madison website existed until I heard the news this week. Or maybe I did, but I don’t want to admit it on my blog because my wife reads it. Whatever the case, the potential exposure of these cheating husbands and wives delights a semi-moral person like me.
What I don’t understand is why these people—these despicable forms of humans—prefer to cheat on their partners rather than doing what I’ve said for a LONG TIME: USE YOUR FUCKING LEFT OR RIGHT HAND.
We all know that masturbation is way better than a mister or mistress. Well, maybe we don’t all know. At least hopefully we don’t all know. But we can assume it’s better; that is, if you’re masturbating the right way. And I’m not sure how it’s possible that you—person with at least one hand—doesn’t know the right way to masturbate.
Let’s get to the point.
The hackers are asking for a large sum of money from the site in return for agreeing to secure the privacy of the remaining registrants. And this is how I want it to go down:
Go fuck yourselves, adulterers.
P.S. I can’t wait for the story about the couple who were both on AshleyMadison.com and neither of them knew about it until now. Do two wrongs make a right there? Does that marriage hold?
Rel “BostonJew” Mathiowitz is a neurotic, panicky writer who details his pathetic life stories and frustrated points of view.
Rel is 6 foot 5; however, he makes himself appear to be 5 foot 5 because he wants women to lust for him for his personality, and not his grand stature.